On the Run
The light in the car stayed lit for a few seconds after Will closed the door of his pickup. He had everything he needed for the night unpacked, and was ready for a fire. Will was five years older than he was the last time he was in this campground, and he felt his age as he bent down to put a spark in the bundle of old man’s beard clumped beneath small sticks. A thin grey tendril of smoke rose from the tinder, and a small flame came alive on the end of a stick.
Will put his hands on his knees and pushed himself up. He sat down in his camp chair and breathed out heavily. The sun was descending through the spruce trees and the light was beginning to turn gold. This far north on Vancouver Island, the sun set later in the long summer days. It was almost ten, but Will could have been convinced it was still early evening. He had intentionally not looked at a clock in the last couple weeks.
Coming out here, he was putting the life he had known for 42 years behind him. His wife had given him the ultimatum: it was this free, vagabond lifestyle or her and their adult kids that lived on the other side of the town. He did not want to hurt her, but he did not want to lie to her. Will felt he would be settling with what could be the last few years of his life and would not be as happy as he could be. He needed to travel and see as much of the world as possible, that was his life’s mission.
He was not mad that his wife made him choose, he understood where she was coming from, he just couldn’t do what she wanted. He sold most of his stuff and packed his ’07 Dodge pickup with what he needed to live. He was gone five days after she made him choose. It hurt him to leave his family. An iron lump had been sitting in his stomach ever since, but still he felt leaving was the right thing to do. He planned to visit his kids every so often, he didn’t see why he couldn’t still visit them every few years. He thought Barb would not want to see him again, it would hurt them both too badly.
After a few weeks driving around the US and visiting National Parks, Will made it to the Northern tip of Vancouver Island. Soon, he would get on a ferry and travel north to Juneau, AK. He had always wanted to go Alaska, but the farthest North he had been was this same campground, five years ago. Will had no plans for Alaska, he just wanted to hike, drink at some a few bars, and eat salmon. He was leaving his truck at the campground and only taking a backpack for the next month. He had found hostels or Air Bnb’s at all the towns he was considering going to. After that, well, Will didn’t know yet.
Sitting by the fire, Will popped the cap off his Alaskan Amber and took a big drink. He put his feet up on the bench of the picnic table. The younger man who had his tent set up in the campsite next to Will’s pulled up to his site in a dark green sedan. He got out of his seat, pulled a bottle of beer out of his trunk, and started gathering leaves and pine needles to start a fire with.
“If you wanna to join me over here and sit around my fire, you’re more than welcome to.” Will called over to the man. Will knew the man was up here by himself too, and Will wanted company, just someone to talk to since it had been a few days since he had any more than a trail conversation with someone.
“You sure?” the man asked.
“Yeah, besides, I could use the company.” Will answered. The man grabbed his chair and moved it beside Will’s fire.
“Mikey,” the man said, and put out his hand.
“Will. Nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you too.” Mikey said and went back to his site for his pan, plate, and food. “So, where are you from, Will?” asked Mikey when he returned.
“I came up from Florida. I’ve been there the last few years. How about yourself?”
“I’m from Bellingham. I was able to get away for a week and I haven’t been up here yet this summer.”
“You’re lucky you live so close!”
“Yeah, I suppose I am.” Mikey said. “So, are you on vacation or retired or what?”
“Well, I used to teach but I retired a couple years ago and have been substitute teaching since then.” Will replied.
“Oh, so you still have summers off,” said Mikey.
“Exactly! That was the idea.”
There was a short silence as Mikey ate and sipped his beer. “Are you married?” Mikey glanced over at Will after scraping the food off the plate and into the pan that was sitting just above the dancing flames.
Will winced and sadly smiled when the image of his wife popped into his head. “We uh, we actually just split up right before I came out here. That’s kind of why I’m so far from Florida.”
“Oh shit. I’m sorry to hear that, man.” Mikey said, apologetically.
“Ah, I had been thinking it was coming, and anyway it was probably for the best. Will was looking at his beer as he swirled it around in the brown glass bottle. “I wanted to travel. My heart has always belonged to the open road and new places. But she stopped coming with me and she wanted to stay close to the kids.”
It was quiet for a few seconds “So what have you been up to since you left, did you drive all the way out here from Florida?” Mikey wanted to get away from the subject of Will’s ex-wife.
“Sure did. I bounced around some of the National Parks, I’ve mostly been doing day hikes in the parks and finding lakes to sit at. I’m not able to do the hikes I used to be able to do, but I still need to be outside and near a trail. It just feels like home, ya know? It’s slower going now, but I don’t mind it too much. Gives me more time to think and get out of my head a little and into nature.” Will poked at the fire, then looked up at Mikey.
“Yeah, I get that. Sounds like something I should do a little more of.”
“Eh,” said Will, “you’ll have plenty of time to get lost in your head when you’re older. You’re young, you should be out having fun and pushing yourself to find your limits and doing something dumb.” Will chuckled, “God knows I lived like that when I was your age. I tell ya, There was one night up at Yellowstone. Me and a couple old buddies met up and were on our third night of backpacking in the wilderness, and we started drinking. We each brought a bottle of whiskey and had carried them all that way so we could party a little before we all had to go back to our lives the next day. So, we were sitting around a little fire about 20 miles from nowhere and we hear this rustling.”
“We were all pretty skilled in the outdoors, well maybe a little cocky, but when that bear came through the bushes, we almost shat ourselves. We were almost done with the bottles, so we were drunk as hell looking around at each other waiting for someone to do or say something. The one can of bear mace we had was more or less on the other side of the bear. We all stood up slowly and moved a little close together. The bear sniffed a little and pawed the ground a bit.”
“Emmet, one of the guys there, was real scared, I don’t know If he had seen a bear before, he damn near looked white as a ghost, even though he was covered in dirt. I told him to calm down, and when I did the bear took a step towards us. “Will chuckled. “I still had the bottle in my hand and when that bear took that step, oh man he couldn’t have been more than 10 feet from us. I don’t know what came over me, I took a swig of my whiskey, took a step forward, and sprayed it in the bear’s eyes. Oh man, he hollered something good, but he turned his ass around and scooted back off into the woods.”
Mikey’s mouth was open, “You spat whiskey in a bear’s face.”
“Yeah,” Will shook his head, “Might not have been the best idea, but hell, it worked! Always buy the cheap stuff when you go out into the woods.”
“Damn man. Holy shit. That’s cool as hell.” Mikey said.
“Well don’t go doing it, I think that trick only works once, and only if the stars are aligned.”
“Sounds like one hell of a life you’ve lived, man.”
“Yeah. Its’s been a fun ride so far. Lots of ups and downs, lots of goods and bads. But I’d do it again, ya know. At the end of the day I think that’s all that matters. If you’d do it all over again.”
“That’s a good way to look at it.” Mikey was staring into the flames. “I hope I’m able to say that when I’m your age.”
“No, wait to get to my age. Ask yourself that every day. All you have is now, Mikey. All you have is today. I have been lucky to make it to my age.”
“Things have been pretty okay so far, I guess I can’t really complain.” Said Mikey, still staring into the dancing flames between himself and the older man.
“Well good. I think less and less kids these days can say that.” Will put his hands on his knees, “Listen Will, I hate to kick you out, but it’s getting late and I’m an old man now. I need to rest up for my day tomorrow.”
“Oh yes of course. I’ll get going. Where are you headed tomorrow?” Mikey stood up and gathered his things.
“North. I’ll get on a ferry to Alaska. I don’t know what I’ll do when I get there or how long I’ll stay.” Will stood up and shook Mikey’s hand. “It was nice meeting you. Enjoy your youth, have a good life.”
“I’ll do my best, Will.” Said Mikey, then walked back to his site and started putting things up and getting ready for bed.
The sun rose early, and Will rose with it. He parked his truck by the camp hosts site and was getting his backpack out of the backseat as the host was walked out of his trailer.
“Ready?” The host asked as Will closed the door, his pack over one shoulder.
“Yep, let’s do it. Thanks again for giving me a ride.” Will said. He looked at the dome light in his truck, it stayed on for a couple seconds, then dimmed. Will pushed the lock button on his key, and the horn honked once. He stepped into in the passenger seat of the Host’s truck and they drove towards Port Hardy.
“Up to Alaska, huh?” Asked the Host, “What’s waiting for you up there?”
“That’s what I’m going up to find out.” Said Will.
The host glanced away from the road and towards Will for a moment. For a little while the only sound was the mechanical whir of the engine. “You can leave your truck at the camp as long as you need. Just come get it before the end of the year or let me know if you’re not coming back for it.”
“I appreciate that,” said Will, “I don’t think I should be gone into the winter months. What’ll I owe ya?”
“Just a story over a beer when you get back. And tell me if you found what you’re looking for. You seem like a good guy.”
“Thank you,” Will said, looking at the face of the host with appreciation.
The port was only a few minutes away and the rest of the drive was in silence. When they arrived, the ferry was loading passengers. Will and the host got out of the truck and shook hands. The two men turned and walked away from each other.
The ferry to Alaska was the most scenic boat trip Will had been on. It followed the inside passage through the Southeast Archipelago to Juneau, where Will got off. He only had an 85L backpacking bag with him for the journey. He had a couple changes of clothes, a few bottles of water, snack foods, a tent, a sleeping bag, and a camp knife, a hatchet, and his .22 pistol. There was a hostel someone set up in their house not too far off the main road. He checked in, paid for the next week, and went to take a shower.
When he finished getting cleaned up and got back to the main part of the house there was a young couple playing Cribbage on the floor in front of the couch. They reminded Will of how he and his wife spent a lot of time in hostels around the world: playing games and laughing, nothing else existing except for the two of them in that moment. Will sat on a recliner across from the young couple and watched them play for a minute.
“Hey!” The young man said when he looked over and noticed Will, “I’m Joseph, what’s your name, man?”
“Will. But you can call me what you will.” Will cracked a smile.
“Ha! Good one! Where are you coming from, Will? Oh, I’m Jessica by the way,” said the young, smiling woman sitting by Joseph.
“Florida! I drove up here, well, to Vancouver Island, then I ferried up.” Said Will. “Just got in this morning.”
“That’s a hell of a drive! We just got in this morning too.” We’re from Idaho.” Jessica said with a smile. “We’re here for the week. We decided not to make the drive, though.”
“It sure does take a lot of time and a lot of miles to get up here. What do y’all do back home?” Will asked.
“We’re both in school. He studies philosophy and I’m going to be a vet.” Answered Jessica. “What do you do?”
“I substitute teach down in Florida during the schoolyear. I used to teach history at Ohio State, and I missed teaching after I retired so I’ve gotten back into it recently. It’s nice, and between substituting and my pension I can come out and dirtbag wherever I want to go.” Said Will.
“I’m sure it’s nice to get away from the misses for a little while too, right?” Jessica winked at Will.
With a wince, Will said, “Well, I don’t know. I just divorced the misses right before I came up here. So, I’m kind of here to run away from that pain for a little while. I still love her.” Will twisted his wedding ring around on his finger and didn’t look up at the young couple. If he did he probably would have cried, and he didn’t want to do that this soon after meeting this young couple. That would have been a burden for them. “I still love her.” Will said to himself.
“I’m so sorry.” Jessica said. “How are you?”
“Well. I don’t know.” Will repeated. “We were married for 42 years and we did everything together. We traveled the world together. We were good partners. But as we got older, she wanted to settle down, so we did. We would still take trips though. We would see Asian countries and go on cruises and go on road trips to the mountains. But after a while even that stopped. She didn’t want to leave Florida. Our kids live there and there are a couple babies around, so Barb wanted to be there round the clock. The last few summers I’ve been taking off more and more time to go on these trips.”
“The older I get, the more I feel like I have to see the rest of the world I haven’t seen, and my favorite parts of the world that I have seen. We really only get one lap and then it’s done, so I want to go out seeing as much of the world as possible for as long as I can until the end. I think that’s my purpose in life. Things between Barb and I started to get tense over the last couple years because of that and then she had enough. She gave me the ultimatum; it was traveling or it was her. She wanted to have me around for our last few years. I still wanted to be with her, but I knew her feet were planted in Florida. I love her. I love her so much, but I have to stay true to my purpose and myself, right?” Will still didn’t look up at the couple.
“So, I don’t know. I don’t know how to feel. But I’m in Alaska, and Alaska has been on my bucket list for years, so I’m gonna take my time to see it. I wish Barb were with me though. I still love her.”
“Well, maybe she’ll change her mind and decide to join you after she settles down.” Joseph said after a minute of silence.
“Ha!” Will laughed a genuine laugh. “No, no she’s too stubborn and prideful for all that. You’d know that the first time you met her.” He looked back at his socks. “And I suppose I’m too stubborn and prideful to go back. We really are a pair.”
“Will, I think what matters most is staying true to who you are and that you feel content and happy with this life. I think Barb knew that too and that was her way of letting you go be free because she knew if you two stayed together she would have guilted you into staying with her in Florida and you would be unhappy with life. I don’t think she wanted that for you.” Jessica said, looking Will in the eyes.
“What makes you think that?” Asked Will, rubbing his eyes.
“I don’t know, that’s just what I think. You seem like a really good guy who has a lot of love, and I don’t think you would choose to marry someone who doesn’t respect that love and can love you even more. Losing her would be less painful for you than feeling unsatisfied with life would be, so I think she let you go as the biggest act of love.” Jessica said slowly and thoughtfully.
A tear rolled down Will’s leathered, wrinkled face. “Well, thank you, young lady. That’s very kind of you to say. I think, I think I ought to go to bed now, I’ve brought up enough negativity today and I think I need some sleep. You two remind me an awful lot of Barb and I around your age. I wish you two the best, and good luck with everything.” Will looked at Joseph dead in the eyes. “If you love her, choose her.” He said seriously. “Thank you, Jessica.”
Will walked down the stairs to bed and laid down in the dark but did not get any sleep. After the sun came up Will showered, slipped his pack on, and walked out the door of the hostel before most people woke up. He had only paid for one night.
At a bus stop down the street he got on a city bus that would take him to another bus that would take him to Lemon Creek. When he was younger, he had met someone from Alaska who told him if he ever went to Juneau, he needed to do the Thunder Mountain hike. Will was finally there. Looking down the trail, he felt excited. This would be the first of hopefully many more adventures in familiar and old places. He was excited for it, but he still felt off about the whole thing.
It took Will several hours to get to the top. The trail was steep and strenuous, especially for an older man. He felt like he was going to pass out in the grass beside the trail at a couple points, but as soon as he saw the views from the peak he was filled with energy and happiness. He felt like he was a kid again. He was above the Mendenhall and could see the icy tendril stretch out of snowcapped peaks in the distance. The golden light from the nearing sunset reflected form the lakes immediately below him, and to his left he could see islands in the Archipelago peppering the Pacific. He was ringed by mountains. He felt like he felt like he was exactly where he was supposed to be.
Before the sun set all the way, Will set up his tent and gathered enough wood for a small fire. He sat cross-legged in front of his tent while the last of the light faded behind the jagged silhouette of mountains. Leaving Barb was the hardest thing he ever had to do, but maybe Jessica was right. Maybe that was Barb saying she loved him more than she loved herself one last time. He would have stayed by her side in Florida until the very end. And he would have loved her every second of it, but his heart would have always been away. Sometimes he felt like Barb knew him better than he knew himself.